Meaningful Questions to Ask Your Child or Teenager, to Help Relieve Worry and Anxiety

Over the past two years, since the coronavirus pandemic, children and young people have been struggling with worries and anxieties more than ever. Whilst parents and carers are struggling themselves, there is the added pressure of the concern over the mental health of their children.

There are some excellent services available, to help young people through these challenging times, such as @youngmindsuk and @mindcharity, and we would also recommend simple things such as taking regular walks with our children, playing board games and having heart-to-heart discussions over dinner or a cup of tea. It's often the little things that we do in our day to day lives that can make a big difference, and remind our children that they’re not alone.

We've put together some conversation starters and meaningful questions that you can ask your children, to create discussions around how they feel, what they worry about, and to improve their self-esteem, confidence and faith.

What have you enjoyed about today?

Make it a habit to discuss each day with your child. Let them open up about the special moments of their day, and be sure to listen attentively and ask questions. This will reassure your child that they are important to you, and you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. Make it a natural conversation, rather than like an interview, by having a conversation whilst doing something together, such as preparing dinner or walking home from school or Madrasah. 

What are some things that we complain about, that we’re actually really lucky to have?

Being able to see the positives of a situation helps you to see light in dark moments . Many studies that show that gratitude – the feeling of being thankful and appreciative – is a wonderful antidote to anxiety. Practicing gratitude increases optimism and happiness, and helps alleviate stress. It also encourages us as Muslims to appreciate the gifts that Allah has given us.  Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that the Prophet (S) said:  “Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is the best way not to belittle the favours of Allah” (Muslim).

When was the last time you were really happy?

Remembering and discussing fond memories is a great way to calm down your child’s anxieties and alleviate their worries, especially when they seem extra stressed or concerned about something. This is another way of allowing your child to practise gratitude and recognise the blessings that Allah has given them. 

What are you looking forward to?

This works in a similar way to recounting happy memories, and is also a wonderful way to bond whilst making plans for the future. Daydreaming about these potentially happy future experiences can create excitement and optimism. It could range from something small, like meeting cousins over the weekend, to larger events such as summer holidays or day trips. 

As well as making plans, you can also encourage your child to make Du’aa for things that they would like to experience in life, as having hope in Allah is a key component of faith. The Prophet (S), said, “When one of you calls upon Allah, let him hope for the greatest of things. Verily, nothing has any greatness over Allah” (Ibn Hibban).

What do you worry about when you can’t sleep at night?

A crucial question, as night-time is often when young people worry the most, when they are alone with their thoughts. Going to sleep with worries on their minds can further exacerbate their anxieties during the day, so it is important for them to know that they are able to talk through whatever is troubling them at any time of the day or night. Also remind your child to make Du’aa and do their daily Athkar before bed, as the remembrance of Allah, and speaking to Him, brings peace, contentment and ease of mind.

What is something you’re good at, and how can you use this to make a difference to the world?

Anxiety and worry is often due to the stress and overwhelm caused by a fear of the future, and a lack of confidence in handling what life throws your way.

Helping your child develop confidence, and recognising their skills and abilities will in turn will help them identify what they’re good at and how they can put their talents to good use. In this way, as their confidence in themselves increases, their worries should decrease. Acknowledge that skills and talents are gifts from Allah, and He gave us these gifts for a reason.

What is the best thing about your personality?

Remind your child that good character is an essential part of being a good Muslim. Our Prophet (S) said, “Nothing is heavier upon the scale of a believer on the Day of Resurrection than his good character” (Tirmidhi). Identifying your child’s positive character traits will build their self-esteem and self-belief. This will encourage them to like and value themselves, and be more confident in standing up for themselves and their beliefs. 

Try to develop a daily practice of open discussion with your child, and show them that you’re genuinely interested in hearing what they have to say. Even if their opinions are different from your own, your child will appreciate that you listen to and value their thoughts. In turn, this will reassure them that you are there to listen to their worries – no matter how big or small they may seem.