Tackling These Negative Thoughts
In order to tackle these thoughts and feelings, we have to spend time sitting with them and being uncomfortable in order to get to the root of the issues.
For some of us, that may mean therapy to talk through our unresolved trauma. For others, it may be a case of reading around mental health and psychological issues or even having conversations with friends, family members and mentors.
Let’s look at these negative thoughts and some of the potential issues at the heart of them.
What’s the point in praying? It doesn’t make a difference to my life. My quality of life hasn’t improved since I started praying.
Potential Issue: Hopelessness – have you had intense experiences of disappointment – in people and in Allah?
Re-think: What is your ‘why’? What are you trying to achieve by praying Salah? Are you expecting material benefits from praying and losing hope because you aren’t seeing them? Are you overlooking the non-material benefits that you are receiving? Could you change your perspective? Do you want a transactional relationship with Allah or do you want something deeper?
I’m just so angry all the time. At the world. At Muslims. At our scholars. Everything just puts me off from praying.
Potential Issue: Anger & Disenfranchisement – have you encountered Muslims online or in real life who have put you off Islam?
Re-think: Can you separate Allah and Islam from Muslims? People will always make mistakes and will never be able to represent the Deen the way it should be, but can you see past their mistakes and the anger and disappointment that has caused you, to see an Allah who has never let you down?
It’s just moving up and down. I literally feel nothing when I pray. For a perfectionist like me, this feels like failure.
Potential Issue: Fear of Failure – do you have a fixed mindset or have you got a fear of not succeeding at something the first time?
Re-think: Perfectionists have a bit of an all or nothing approach, which is a strength in some ways and a weakness in others. In this case it is a hindrance. The good news: Allah looks at your effort more than the outcome. So, use your perfectionist tendencies in a positive way: put in the effort to improve. If that works: Alhamdulillah. If it doesn’t: you’ll still get the reward.
I hate Salah because I came from a controlling household and Salah was just another way that I was controlled and observed.
Potential Issue: Emotional / Spiritual Abuse from controlling parents
Re-think: Are you rebelling against your parents and the extreme control they had over you, but taking it out on Allah? Can you separate your parents from Allah – they are not a reflection of Him. Allah has given you control: you can choose to pray or can you choose not to. Ultimately, can you take back control of your own life?
I hate Salah because I remember when I used to get hit/beaten by XYZ for not praying or not praying properly.
Potential Issue: Physical Abuse & Violence
Re-think: Salah was sent as a gift, not a punishment. It’s sad that for so many of us, our early experiences of Salah have meant that we now associate Salah with pain, misery and burden. Can you hit the reset button and start with a fresh page? What would a positive experience of Salah look and feel like to you? Can you bring that image to life and replace the negativity with positivity?
Have you seen me? I’m such a sinful/evil person. What difference is Salah going to make to my life when I’m doing so many bad things?
Potential Issue: Self-hatred & Worthlessness
Re-think: All the difference in the world ❤️ Salah is not for perfect people. There’s no threshold of piety that you have to reach before being invited to pray. Perhaps, leaving those sins behind starts with the first step: walking your feet to the prayer mat.
When I think of Salah, I remember the Mosque/Madrasah and being abused by my teacher.
Potential Issue: Physical / Sexual Abuse
Re-think: This is completely unfair and we’re sorry that this is what you endured. Hopefully you’re in a position now where those people have no authority over you and no access to you. Don’t give them more power than they deserve. Please seek therapy, but don’t let those experiences define you. Your God is a God of mercy and justice, and they will answer for their crimes.
I used to pray all the time and I would always make Du’aa after every prayer. But God never listened to my Du’aas so I stopped praying altogether.
Potential Issue: Neglect & Abandonment – did you ever feel that your needs were ignored in childhood?
Re-think: As hard as it is to make Du’aa and not see your wishes manifest, we have to change our perspective a little. Allah has not abandoned you, nor will He ever. He was there when you felt most alone and He is the reason you survived. As Umar (ra) said, “I am not worried about whether my Du’aa will be responded to, but rather I am worried about whether I will be able to make Du’aa or not.” Don’t walk away from the blessing of being able to ask… so many of us can’t.
I have feelings of shame and guilt associated with Salah that I can’t shrug off because I would always lie and say I had prayed when I never did.
Potential Issue: Shame, Guilt & Inadequacy
Re-think: Forgive yourself and accept that you are on a journey. This may have been the beginning of your relationship with Salah but it need not be the middle and end. Shame and guilt are tools used by Satan to keep us from progressing!
Healing from Trauma
The good news is that there is healing after trauma. The positive growth that you experience after healing from trauma is known as post-traumatic growth.
One of the benefits of going through the healing process is that it will help you revitalise and strengthen your relationship with Allah.
Your trauma doesn’t have to define who you are and who you become in life. Your current negative relationship with Salah need not be your future.
So spend a little time thinking through your relationship with Salah. Once you identify your issues, don’t let that paralyse you.
Take the first step towards healing for a stronger more spiritual you.
Conclusion
Ultimately, we’re all on a journey with Salah..
Moving from ‘having’ to pray to ‘wanting’ to pray and then from ‘wanting’ to pray to experiencing the desperate, can’t live without it, ‘need’ to pray.
Wherever you are on your journey, show yourself some mercy.
References for Further Reading
· http://mentalhealth4muslims.com/coping-with-trauma/
· https://productivemuslim.com/praying-when-you-dont-feel-like-praying/
· https://www.kendraburrows.com/dont-want-to-pray/