By Aneesah Kholwadia
Tip #1 Always Lead by Example
‘Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.’ (Bukhari)
Why: One of the most common ways in which behaviour is learnt is through observation of models. In order to ensure our children become the exemplary leaders we wish them to be, we must first model those leadership traits for them. The Prophet (pbuh), rather than merely preaching about good behaviour, demonstrated his message to the people around him.
How: Demonstrate good leadership by carrying out actions, such as prayer, visiting the sick and spending on the needy as a collective, and do so with consistency, until you children are able to demonstrate that they can carry out the actions themselves autonomously without any reminders.
Tip #2 Use Praise and Encouragement
‘I never saw anyone who was more compassionate towards children than Allah’s messenger (pbuh)’. (Muslim)
Why: It is sometimes easy to forget that the self-esteem of children can be built and destroyed by the words and actions of the adults around them. As parents, we need to use praise to recognise children’s achievements and encouragement to motivate them to work hard and do their best.
How: One simple and effective way of doing this is by taking the time to understand the love languages of your children and act according to their needs. Find out if your child’s self-esteem is boosted through words of affection, gifts, quality time or acts of service and make sure to recognise them for their effort, regardless of whether they achieve the desired results or not.
Tip #3 Nurture a Love for Inspirational Heroes
‘A person will be with those whom he loves.’ (Muslim)
Why: It is important to identify the figures that children are modelling their behaviour on as this directly impacts the behaviour and character they demonstrate. Steering them towards inspirational figures is vital as good character requires good role models.
How: Inspire your children by reading to them the stories of the Prophets and Companions as well as other great personalities and heroes from history from whom they can learn what excellence looks like. Making this a part of your daily routine is also an excellent bonding tool and a good way to spend time together as a family.
Tip #4 Do Not Favour One Child Over Another
‘Maintain justice among your children in gifts, just like you would like them to be just with you in goodness and affection.’ (Kanzul Ummal)
Why: Every child has a moral right to feel loved by their parents. This can easily be lost if a child feels ‘second’ to their siblings or peers. Therefore, it is important that we abstain from treating children unequally.
How: A way in which this can be achieved is by ensuring that we provide the same rewards and reprimands for all children as a consequence of the same actions. This equality is necessary to maintain justice and fairness within the household which are, after all, key principles to uphold within society.
Tip #5 Help Them Gain a Sense of Belonging
‘A believer is like a brick for another believer, the one supporting the other.’ (Muslim)
Why: All humans have an innate desire to feel a sense of belonging within the communities they are part of, and children are no different in this regard. By integrating children within their communities, we can help them establish a sense of support and connection. After all, it takes a whole village to raise a child.
How: To encourage this, take your children to community events and communal prayers, and enrol them in local groups where they will identify, themselves, the values that they have in common with diverse individuals as well as the myriad ways they differ.
Tip #6 Prioritise Character Development
‘I was sent to perfect good character.’ (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)
Why: What is most prominent about any individual is their character. Regardless of their intellect or achievements, character is at the forefront of a person’s being. Excellence in character and conduct was superbly demonstrated by the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) who is an example for all.
How: Strong character must be ‘taught’ by parents, ‘sought’ by children and ‘caught’ from the environment and through good role modelling. Following this formula is key to nurturing children with the noble virtues and ethics they need in order to flourish in society as the best versions of themselves.
Tip #7 Reinforce the Importance of Holistic Education
‘The best among you are those who learn the Qur’an and teach it.’ (Bukhari)
Why: As well as encouraging academic success, as the primary educators of our children, we should embrace every opportunity to nurture values, morals, etiquettes and life skills to develop them into well-rounded and responsible citizens. Faith-based institutes such as schools and Madrasahs should be reinforcing the values and education that children receive first and foremost at home.
How: There are many new and well-prepared resources that can be used by parents at home and a schedule or timetable should be devised with both parents taking responsibility for the different areas that fall within a child’s holistic education; be that Islamic Studies, swimming, coding or arts and crafts.
Tip #8 Spend Time with Your Children
‘When a Muslim spends something on his family, intending to receive Allah’s reward, it is regarded as charity for him.’ (Bukhari)
Why: The family unit is a particularly important factor within Islam as it is within the fold of a family that individuals are shaped and nurtured to become the people they are. Therefore, it holds significant impact on society as the individuals that families have cultivated eventually become figures within the wider community.
How: To maintain this principle of a family unit, parents are encouraged to spend time with their children. This can be done through scheduling days out or even in smaller ways like doing the weekly shop together. By doing this, children will feel loved and securely connected.
Tip #9 Teach Your Children to be Grateful
‘How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer.’ (Muslim)
Why: To get through the trials of this life, a certain degree of optimism is necessary. Viewing life in a ‘glass half full’ manner, for example by being grateful for the few positives in a sea of negativity, instils resilience within an individual. The key to gratefulness is to remember there is goodness in everything.
How: This can easily be achieved by teaching your children to say ‘Alhamdulillah’ (all praise is to Allah) during any circumstance and despite the outcome; good or bad. Consistent gratefulness leads to contentment and steadfastness for any individual.
Tip #10 Be Forgiving When Your Children Make Mistakes
‘Shall I inform you about the one for whom the fire is forbidden? It is the one who draws near to people, is easy-going and gentle’. (Tirmidhi)
Why: It is easy to forget on occasion that children, as young individuals, are still learners. They do not have the equivalent life experience of adults. Therefore, it is only natural that they will often make mistakes. To be harsh and intolerant of this will inevitably brew dislike, in children, of their parents and lowered self-esteem as they are consistently criticised. It will also make a child less willing to confide in their parents.
How: Your first instinct should be to listen to your children when they make a mistake and to refrain from heavily reprimanding them. As a result, they will feel comfortable in making and admitting their mistakes and will take opportunities to learn from them.